Remembering Our Highest Intentions

As you wake up each morning take a moment to connect to your breath and heart and then ask yourself,” What is my highest ideal or deepest truth that I want and choose to live by as a parent?” Take a moment to breathe this ideal and truth into your heart and feel it deeply. This may be an intention just for this day: to see this day from my child’s point of view, to focus only on the goodness and beauty of my child, or to listen with ‘the ears of the heart’ to all my child says and shares. Then, during the day, consciously stop 3 to 5 times, put a hand on your heart, connect to your breath and heartbeat, and remember your intention, your deeper truth and ideal and ask if you have been acting from that ideal? Renew your intention to live from your highest ideals throughout the day.
One lovely intention comes from the work of Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh and his mindfulness practices:
Waking up this morning, I smile.
Twenty four brand new hours are before me.
I vow to live fully in each moment
and to look at myself, my partner and my children with eyes of compassion.

Starting with the Heart (Part 2)

Let’s rewind. As you start to drive home you notice that you’re rehashing an argument you had with the co-worker that drives you nuts. You feel your jaw and stomach tighten up ready for battle, and your heart starts to beat more rapidly. Instead of letting the mind and body continue to prepare for fight or flight, you begin to consciously soften and relax your abdominal muscles. (After all your co-worker is not there in the car with you, so at this moment you’re safe, right?). You notice that your breathing has become shallow, so you slowly deepen it by exhaling a bit more…sending a message to your reptilian-brain that you can handle this situation without the adrenaline rush.

As your stomach relaxes, you sense that things are not quite as pressing and packed tight (and you can feel your jaw unclench a bit). As your belly continues to soften and relax, and your breath deepens, your mind also begins to relax, and you even have room for a little smile to come to your face about what a silly argument it was in the first place. As you move away from the worry and frustration thoughts, you place your attention on your heart. You gently place one hand over your heart, and you feel it beating, just as it has since you were first conceived and floating in the soothing amniotic fluid. Safe and warm. You tune into your heart’s rhythm and use it to keep time with your breathing: 4 beats on the exhale, 4 beats on the inhale. You relax even a bit more as your attention moves further away from the worry brain, and into your heart.

As you pull up in front of your house, you take a moment to stay in your heart and breath. You place your attention on each of your children one at a time. On your inhale you draw them close to your heart, and on your exhale you smile at them. Just this simple act spreads a flow of happiness throughout your whole body. You do this just for a couple of minutes and consciously increase the feelings of appreciation for each child.

As you enter your home, your children rush up to meet you and stand at the door, each one with their hands over their hearts (as you’ve modeled for them). You all take a moment to stand there and breathe in and out through your hearts, centering attention there. Then as you hold each child’s gaze for a moment, you say specially to each one quietly and sincerely, “I love you.” And both you and they know that you really feel it and mean it. Then you have a group hug and the giggling and talking and tattling begins—but you are all more centered, acknowledged, balanced and connected. You move into your evening, with all that it may bring, together, a family….

© 2011 by HeartMentors

Starting with the Heart (Part 1)

You come home late from work. Your time at work follows you home: your difficult co-worker, your boss’ unreasonable timeline, too much paperwork… You haven’t been feeling really well lately. Thoughts of “chronic fatigue” run through your mind. You’ve been making ends meet, but you’re always shuffling something, putting off paying a bill till the next paycheck. You find yourself avoiding answering the phone, and spending less time with friends. What time!!!

As you pull up to your house there’s a sagging sense of not being equal to the task. While you love your kids, you choose to stay in the car a few extra minutes just to try and get some peace and quiet before you face the onslaught of demands, needs, tempers…. “When will I EVER get time for myself?” you think aloud, and then immediately feel both angry and selfish.

As you enter the house the kids come at you all at once—a wave—and they are jostling one another for your attention: one is tattling, one is yelling, and one is whining…and you haven’t even got your coat off yet! For a split second you consider turning around and running away…both silly and appealing.

Dinner has got to be started, homework battles to be fought, tempers to be soothed and each child demanding (needing) quality time with you.

You helplessly try and remember the strategies you discussed at parenting class last week…and what night is that class anyway? And who will you get to baby-sit this week?

Wherever you turn there are problems on top of problems: work, health, school, money, the-ex. It’s all so overwhelming. And you get to do it all over again tomorrow!

© 2011 by Daniel McMannis and HeartMentors